Sharing Privately

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Some followers here at Widow 2.0 who lost their spouse to alcoholism mentioned in their comments the need to share with family, but in the form of a journal — and to share privately. One way to do that is to create a private Facebook group just for your loved ones, where only invited members can see your posts, as well as respond. It’s a helpful way to disseminate your thoughts, but only with those you choose.

Whatever you decide to do, keeping a journal is worthwhile. It’s chilling when I read my notes years later. But it’s the only way to capture how you’re feeling in the moment. Writing helps to heal and make sense of all that you’ve gone through.

Besides sharing with loved ones, there is something very comforting in sharing with the widowed community. For those who are survivors of an alcoholic, there seems an even stronger need for solidarity. Feeling guilty? Angry? Responsible? Thoughts unthinkable, unspeakable? For all of you who have watched a loved one drink themselves to death, it’s important to reach out to our very specific community of widows. May you find peace and comfort. You deserve a good life.

 

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2 thoughts on “Sharing Privately

  1. The first anniversary approaches….January 22….the day after my birthday, He was found dead in his apartment when the county sheriff and the landlord arrived with eviction notice. He had slowly killed himself…death by alcohol. There was a blizzard that night when I got the call at 11:30 p.m. and I remember thinking that I would get to my 3 young adult children then next day and we would all be together when I told them that their father was dead. He had lost everything and everyone….he pushed those who loved him away repeatedly…and he died alone. But his sister posted immediately on social media, forcing me to call and tell my kids of their dad’s passing…..their voices on the other end of those calls still ring in my head and my heart. I don’t find comfort in memories of the good times….not yet….the last 5 years were so difficult and ugly.
    I don’t know where I want to be or if I want to be alone on this anniversary….I’m afraid of what it will do to me. It breaks my heart to think of what his last months were like after we split up….it broke my heart for years that I had lost him to alcohol and that he didn’t want to come back to us.

  2. I survived the First Year Anniversary of His death…..I was on a plane to San Diego CA….for an ENT Conference (Ear Nose & Throat). Sept.16,2016 (September 16 2015 @ 10:25pm) . And then I became so very depressed. And I googled 2nd year of being a widow…..All the sites and blogs said the 2nd year is even more worse than the First. That renewed My thoughts on suicide. But, instead….I just remained flattened to Our bed, imobile, I had one day of this….inconsolable grief. I made myself get dressed and get into the car….drove down the road turned around and came home. In the driveway I called my supervisor and told her I wasn’t coming to work today. They needed me but I just couldn’t do it. I took FMLA. I called my counselor and talked. I didn’t want to kill myself but I felt I couldn’t go on without You. And I have too. I need the paycheck I have bills to pay. I told myself “get over this”…..don’t let Your death and the alcohol get in the way of MY moving forward, MY surviving. Your heaven may not be My heaven….Maybe there is no heaven. I want so desperately to let go of the bad stuff and just remember the good stuff….but is that just fantasizing? …Your battle with alcohol was life long. So I have to pick and choose, pluck the good memories. Let go of the very bad memories (consolidated into a year and a 1/2)…..What You did in a year and a 1/2 was so accelerated….it has left me breathless-blindsided-bemused…..I hug pillows at night…..I wonder if You will let me into Your heaven……

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