Match.com – let me go! Hell hath no fury like a woman who has mourned…and moved on.

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We had fun, lots of laughs, but it’s over. You, too, eHarmony. Stop emailing me. I don’t care who made me their Favorite or that I have unread emails or how many Likes my photo received. My photo shouldn’t be visible. I’m gone. Outta’ there. Take down my profile!

Plying potential customers with technical catnip must work for Match because I’ve been receiving emails almost daily since I canceled my subscription. The very service that helped me find love, seems intent on destroying the relationship.  Similar to a monthly bank statement, Match emails me regularly – “Your weekly interest summary” with the tally for all the Winks, Likes, Emails and Favorites I received — and a hyperlink to respond and rejoin. Then there are the daily emails: “No subscription? No problem. Attend a Stir Event!” and all the personalized emails: “Someone in Merrick chose you!” “He likes you!” “Someone emailed you at 9:06 a.m.” Clearly they want to keep the pond stocked, even if this fish isn’t catchable.

eHarmony is equally infuriating. “You’ve got 2 matches!” Though their emails aren’t as many, the intent seems more egregious because they do the matching for their customers. How can they offer a non-member “match” to their customers? That’s just a big bowl of wrong. When I logged into my account, I was directed to a page that announced: “Hi paula (the lower case ‘p’ theirs) and welcome! Our new site is easier to use, more personalized, and smarter than ever. Please, take a look around at the new eHarmony. And it’s okay to stare – so get a feel for it.” I clicked. “This is where the magic happens. All your matches’ activity will post here. Go ahead and take a peek:”  Every next page featured the “Upgrade Your Membership” hyperlink.  In my profile, I clicked on the tab for my Matches and a page populated with dozens of faux photos (squares with the same male silhouette); when you clicked on the square it flipped to reveal his first name, age and town. Interspersed among the silhouettes were ad squares: “Upgrade to see photos,” “Picture this, no silhouettes when you upgrade,” “Upgrade today to communicate with your matches.”

As I’ve blogged before, I canceled both subscriptions a long time ago. For Match, I typed a lovely ‘thank you’ note in my online exit survey, explaining how grateful I was to have met such a wonderful man.  I terminated my membership with exclamation points and a smiley face emoticon – I was a satisfied customer.

The tone of our communications has changed.  In my latest email to Match I noted: “I have friends who are members and will monitor the status of my profile,” requesting one of their Customer Care representatives contact me immediately to confirm my profile has been removed. Minutes later, I was unable to partially log into my account, as I’d done earlier when checking to see if I was still “out there.”  Now they know I mean business.

Keep all your ‘Come Back’ deals, I’m happy and in love. Hell hath no fury like a woman who has mourned…and moved on.

 

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