There are those who’ll bet love comes but once, and yet…

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Three years ago today, I met Billy.  I’d been widowed for two years, and was ready for a relationship.  On our first date he invited me out for a drink, which turned into dinner; we ended up talking the night away and closing down the restaurant.  Eventually, we made plans to spend the rest of our lives together.

This wasn’t my “first” first date, but it would be my last. ♥

Getting back out there after a 25-year hiatus took courage. And patience. There were many first dates before I found someone second-date worthy.

To all my widowed friends, I hope you’ll give love a second chance…when you’re ready. You’ve probably been advised to “be good to yourself” after all you’ve been through. What could feel better than allowing yourself to be loved?…when you’re ready.  Just as there’s no timeline to the bereavement process, no deadline for grieving, remember there’s no expiration date on romance.

 

The Second Time Around

Written by Sammy Cahn

Love is lovelier the second time around
Just as wonderful with both feet on the ground
It’s that second time you hear your love song sung
Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young
Love’s more comfortable the second time you fall
Like a friendly home the second time you call
Who can say what brought us to this miracle we’ve found?
There are those who’ll bet love comes but once, and yet
I’m oh, so glad we met the second time around
Who can say what brought us to this miracle we’ve found?
There are those who’ll bet love comes but once, and yet
I’m oh, so glad we met the second time around

 

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An Obit Writer Reveals “Why That Life Matters”…in the News

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Another aspect of the Death Industry: the obituary writer. A NYT writer explains the newsworthiness they seek about one’s life, to warrant an obit for one’s death. “How hard do you have to touch history, and for how long, to become history yourself?”

http://www.nytimes.com/times-insider/2014/04/06/margalit-fox-answers-the-question-why-that-life/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

How do you mourn a missing person?

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As the search continues for Malaysian Airlines flight 370, loved ones are left, not only alone – but stranded in the unknown. Families and friends of passengers on this ill-fated flight, similar to the loved ones of soldiers missing in action, will forever question, emotions fluctuating between hope and hopelessness. Caught in this hellish limbo of unresolved grief and unanswered questions, without the comfort of mourning rituals, the widowed and loved ones experience a unique type of bereavement, referred to as “ambiguous loss.” (Even the term sounds cruel and unsympathetic.)

 

Revisiting Without Them – Special Places Don’t Have to Be Haunted

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My friends, Terri and Ginni, took their Mom, a recent widow, to one of their parents’ favorite vacation destinations – Las Vegas.  Martha and Ernie had been vacationing there for years – enjoying the shows, the restaurants and most importantly, scouting out Martha’s favorite video poker machines. When Ernie passed away, the thought of returning to a place that held so many memories was daunting.  (What happens in Vegas…is over.) But with the support of her daughters, Martha made the pilgrimage.

As they walked into their upgraded rooms, Martha exclaimed:  “Daddy would have loved this!” She broke down for a minute, had her cry, and then…she had a wonderful trip.

Are you shying away from places that hold sway over your heart because they are imbued with couple memories? Perhaps you don’t have to stay away. As with all aspects of grieving, each person’s journey is different, there’s no widow timetable that assures us when we’re ready to move on. But if you’re thinking about it, you’re probably more ready than you’re willing to admit.  Maybe it’s a favorite restaurant, your ‘usual’ spot on the beach or a beloved vacation getaway.  What places are on your mind?

 

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