Now that you’ve been intimately acquainted with the death industry, perhaps you’ve pondered plans for your own send-off. Back-to-basics funerals are kind to the environment as well as your pocketbook. How green will you go? Eco-friendly funerals can entail anything from burial in a simple shroud to cremation with the remains placed in a biodegradable urn.
My boyfriend wants to go green and be cremated. But no biodegradable urn for Billy, he wants to hang around. He’d like to reside with his kids, hoping one of them has a mantel. But as the Times article below points out, be careful about the dreaded fall-and-spill that Ben Stiller’s character portrayed with such cringe-worthy clarity in Meet the Parents.
Have any of you come in contact with someone who looks just like your late husband? You catch a glimpse of that familiar profile, recognize that slow and easy stride down the street, hear his unmistakable laugh in a crowd? In the new film, “The Face of Love,” Widow Nikki, played by Annette Benning, comes face-to-face with that fantasy.
Have you noticed your references – ‘before’ and ‘after’ your loved one passed away? It seems to be a natural default for the widowed, especially when the loss is fresh. We view the past through the lens of grief; our mourning reflected in our language.
Though the words didn’t change (‘before Robert died…’), eventually the phrase didn’t get caught in my throat. Acceptance set in, the terminology began sounding more organic. And I’ve been very fortunate to have adopted another reference: ‘since meeting Billy…’ The words sound so lovely, that my lips can’t help but say them with a smile.
But well ‘before Billy,’ I was able to put my past into perspective. Actually, I found myself deliberately not referencing my late husband, the barometer shifting from Robert’s death to Paula’s life.
Regardless of where the road takes you and who you meet along the way, you reach a phase that’s peaceful. Comforting. (So this is what ‘moving on’ feels like.) You don’t need to have found love after loss to get there. In fact, I suspect most of us need to start with ‘me’ before finding ourselves in another ‘we.’ Robert will always be a part of my past; but I no longer need the language of loss to define my life.